Dreamwalker - Pia’s Story
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
LETTERS TO A DREAMWALKER
a series of events, spanning a lifetime of journeys
Pia's Story
Intro
In this era of multimedia mass marketing and mayhem, people are often found wandering the world perplexed as the boundaries of what they consider to be reality are meshed with fantasy. Let us try not get these two confused. One should generally recognize the difference between having a dream and day-dreaming or between what is reality and purely fantasy. But do we? What happens when a dream becomes reality?
I will be talking about a bit of both in the following story, primarily because of my age at the time. For me, it was all reality, the reality of a 7 and a half year old girl- namely me- and the world I created amongst the only friends I had- the children of the only true mother I have known since the beginning of time, the children of Earth.
My World
The dreams had been coming to me for as long as I could remember, so had the wind. I welcomed them both; no matter how terrifying they may have appeared to me at first. As a Child, I trusted the wind to guide me through my waking and sleeping dreams, and I trusted my dreams to eventually lead me to those I loved. I was not afraid of either by the time I was seven. I was not afraid of much. I probably should have been less curious and more wary, but I was not. I loved anything that had to do with nature, and I loved to explore. The birds called to me as I passed, the squirrels stopped to scold me and the deer paused to look me in the eye. I saw the bobcat hiding in the wood and the green snakes in the trees- when others saw nothing. The moon watched over me to keep me safe at night and the sun warmed my body and soul throughout the day. Animals would come to my house when I was a child to seek refuge from winter storms (much to my father's consternation and my joy!), and the stray birds, dogs and cats that followed me home, needed no coaxing. There was not a tree or a stream that I did not feel at home in or a pocket that did not carry a pretty rock or shell or seed. As a child all of these were my friends and companions, my joyous days and my escape at night ... my fantastic reality.
Whilst the creatures of the earth held me enthralled in the physical realm, dreams were where my spirit roamed free. At times they took me to places I wished I had never been, nevertheless, I was taken, away. Away from an often lonely, dismal existence that many children of single parents often experience. I had daytime visions, and nighttime dreams that have crossed over into what we consider the "real world". As a child, this happened so often, that I lost track of what most would consider unforgettably "strange" or memorably coincidental experiences. Granted, there are those I shall probably never forget. This is one of those stories. Let me tell you about when I met another dream walking friend, like you.
Zebra Girl
I was a small girl, living in a new town (Ft Collins), and friendless. This was not unusual, as my father moved around the country quite frequently and I often had to say goodbye to those I loved and befriended along the way. I did not have a hard time making new friends, so I was not too worried, but I did not remember feeling as lonely as I did as when we moved to Ft Collins. I was a bit afraid. I'd undergone recent experiences with the youth of New Mexico, Denver and St Louis prior to moving to Ft Collins which made me wary of openly approaching other children, as had been my nature. I had met strange children who would ridicule me because of the color of my ancestors skin and their blood that ran through my veins. It was new to me, and confusing. I would be happily turning the double-dutch rope, marveling at the jumpers speed and then quick –as-you please, my braid would be on the ground, while some child would run away laughing, with scissors in her hand shouting "Look! The zebra lost her tail!" At first the children of my school in New Mexico thought I was Mexican or perhaps Indian, but when I showed them pictures of my beautiful mother with her wavy hair and milk chocolate skin, somehow I became a pariah. I loved chocolate, I loved my mother. I was allergic to one and one was allergic to me. I loved them both, nonetheless. I could not understand how one minute my classmates and I would play together, racing to the top of the jungle gym as fast a we could climb, then the next minute, just as I would reach the top to claim my victory, I was pushed off to land in the center, beneath the dome, looking at the feet and faces of those above. "No 'breeds allowed", they would taunt. "Yeah, half-breeds can only climb half way up the jungle gym" My great-grandmother taught me that we were all children of the same mother, no matter what color skin we had, we were all connected, somehow in spirit. I ignored the taunts; it was not enough. I fought back with words; still not enough. My father taught me to survive in the elements, how to fall out of a tree ("tuck and roll, baby, so you won't break anything") and he taught me how to defend myself from those who tried to hurt me. I never hit back until Denver. There my babysitter's son held a match to my arm, trying to find out how fast a "nigger" would burn. Denver was a shock. New Mexico had been an eye-opener, and St Louis had been "shear" terror. Ft Collins had to be better. I knew it would be, I was going to meet a new friend. Crow told me so.
Companions
I went back to my oldest playmates after those experiences. Those who knew my true name. Those who kept me safe. The wind drew pictures in the sky and taught me to fly. The trees sheltered me from the rain and held me close in their boughs. The stars winked at me as I shared my whims and wishes, falling just for me while I sang to them every evening. The moon listened solemnly to my every woe and shined on may face so I would not be afraid at night. Black Crow (yes, I said it- A CROW) would wake me in the wee morning hours, by pecking on my window and would follow me to and from school everyday. They were great companions and had seen me through many solitary moments. They were there for me once again. When I could not go outside and play amongst the trees or roll in the grass, whispering my secrets to the wind, I would read, or draw or paint or take things apart. I read anything I could find, (still do). I colored in and out of the lines, creating my own masterpieces to hang on the refrigerator. With homework done and chores finished, I could always take my father's favorite clock apart on a rainy day, or build log cabins with my Lincoln logs or a robot with my Tinker toys or fantastic airplanes with my Lego's. I had a rock collection, a fossil collection, a coin collection, an arrowhead collection, a shell collection, a stuffed animal collection, a doll collection, a leaf collection, an old bottle collection and even a collection of old tin cans. All of these things were great fun, but I knew something was missing. I did not have a friend, not one. I had plenty to do, plenty to play with. Yet no one to share those things with. No one to explore with. Was I bored ? I complained to my father that I was- he told me to clean something, like my room- or practice my times tables, or review my homework to ease my "boredom". Uff! No, I decided I was not bored, just a bit lonely. I needed a friend. A girl, like me.
Now, at that age I was overly curious, a bit shy and waaaay too independent. This meant the following:
1) That I got into a lot of interesting situations with my curiosity -
"What you got in that jar, kiddo? Is that a spider"
"Yeah, I punched holes in the top and put grass and stuff in like you showed me. Can I keep it?
" Well let's see it"
"It's the girl widower, I couldn't catch the boy, he was too little. It's just like my in my book. See the pretty red tummy, daddy?"
"Black Widow, Eunisha. Jeezus, just give it here, baby- Why are you taking off the lid! Just leave it in the jar!"
"But daddy!? I wanna use the grass for the gardener snake's bed."
"Garter Snake"
"Yeah, for the Gar-ter Snake's bed I am making in my room"
"Snake? in your room? Shit"
"Daddy, is shit a cuss word?"
2) That I was often too shy to ask for help when I really needed it-
"Sugah, why are you holding your head to the side?"
"You gonna get mad ?"
"No, baby, of course not"
"So the pearl will fall out"
"Sweet Jesus,Lord Almighty! Eunice get the car, your gran'baby has got a pearl down her ear"
Grossly Shy
"Mama, Eunisha is digging in her NOSE! Ew!"
"Eunisha, stop that!"
"Sugah, Granny told you about playing with your nose. Princesses do not dig in their noses, and we know all little girls are princesses"
"Yes Mam. How do princesses get peanuts out of their noses, then?
"Sweet Jesus,Lord Almighty! Eunice get the car, your gran'baby has got a peanut up her nose!"
Publicly Shy
"Baby, Just one last picture by the little train. Wait! Look over there! Its Bozo the clown from TV! You watch him everyday! Let's go take a picture with the other children from your class"
"Yes, mam"
"Say Cheese"
- Hands over mouth- "Chee-ee-ese"
"Baby, why are your pants wet"
Whispering-"Mama, Bozo is scary up close"
"C'mon baby let's go to the car"
And, 3) I thought I could do everything by my little independent self-
"Eunisha Yvette Emerson! What is it you think you are doing?"
"Makin' pancakes. I read the box right, daddy. Want some?"
"Go to your room."
"But, Why?"
"Because I did not give you permission to use the stove"
"But, Why?"
"Because, you are only seven."
"But, Why?"
My Elders
Unless I believed it absolutely necessary, I tried not to worrying "grown folk" with my "silliness" and stayed out of "grown folk's business. I was taught to be respectful of my elders, after all. I generally did what I was told- except when it came to taking stuff apart, swimming, climbing trees...and ice cream. I had learned my lessons well. I was not too sure about that princess thing, but I had no more beads in my ears no more peanuts in my nose, and no more wet pants in public. By the time I was seven and a half, I steered clear of doing things that would bring the unwanted attention of my older family members.
I knew I could not bother them with the task of finding a friend, or I would be reprimanded-again. I had to come up with another solution to finding a friend. I would not annoy Dad about being bored anymore. "Eunisha I am busy-is your homework finished? Good, go play" - with who? I wanted to ask, but I didn't. Instead, I read everything in the house and colored anything I could find. I made necklaces from macaroni and painted matching friend bracelets for my new friend that Crow had said would come- still nothing. I would not call Gran' mama, again-"Boo- boo, do not worry, be patient, you will meet a nice little friend at school "- When?! I would cry in my head. I visited Granny in her dreams to ask her to play piano to me. "Sugah, I can't play piano in my sleep" she told me in her lovely, smooth-as-silk Southern tones. I loved her voice. I told her I didn't have any friends all the way out in "Colorada" and I wanted to play with my aunties and my cousins. I asked her why they did not talk to me in their dreams like she did. "Baby girl" she told me, "some thangs folks just wouldn't understand. Don't you go botherin' your cousins, lest they get scared. This is our little secret." Ah, I may not have had a friend, but I had a secret- cool. With my Granny- way cool. I knew I was pushing it, but I still asked her to sing to me. "Ske'daddle! Go on, now, go back. A body needs a rest, and so do you. Besides, child," she said ever so slowly, "You never know who is with your body while you are with me!" HUNH?! Did I tell you my Granny loved old CBS… Scare …the …hello… out… of… you… radio shows? Well, she did, and as much as I loved her, she had a truly warped sense of humor. Who was afraid of the eternal fire and eternal damnation the preacher talked about when there was CBS Mystery Theatre coming out of Granny's old radio on Saturday night as she rocked in that creaky rocker with the lights down low? She had just scared the bejeezus out of me! She probably woke up with a smile on her face after that one. Well, I decided not to "visit" her anytime soon. Figured that I had run out of every option for finding this friend Crow had hinted about for so long. I was told that I should always respect my elders. But the gown-ups were no help at all. Even Crow was tired of my pity-pouting and complaining. I had a really big favor to ask, and I did not want to take no for an answer. I came up with a new plan. I went over their heads.
If my Elders were supposed to be the old and wise that meant I had to go to the oldest and wisest ones I knew. I did. I swallowed my nerve and as the sun rose I asked him to look the world over for a friend for me with his light, please, pretty please. I whispered to the wind for a friend who saw the delicate prettiness of spider webs and knew how to find his shapes in the clouds. I climbed my favorite trees and asked them if they met other girls who climbed trees would they mind letting me know so we could swing from their branches together? I promised Crow, on the way to school, that if he would introduce me to my new friend, we could all travel to school together. Wouldn't that be fun? I promised him I would not complain anymore if he would just tell me who my friend was and I promised solemnly never to forget him. In the evening, I cried out to the moon for a companion who had a kind face and liked long stories. I sang to the stars for a beautiful soul whose smile sparkled just for me. Before I went to bed, I put fruit and nuts and a bowl of water on my window sill for the squirrels and for Crow and his friends. I sent my nightly silent prayer for my all grandmothers to be kept safe and all the people of the world to be happy. I bid goodnight to the moon and the stars and wind caressed my cheek as I fell into the land of dreams.
The Dream
A girl's pale face, framed with jet black hair, looked smiling down on me from the light of the moon. As wind whispered her name in my ear, I flew out to her, returning her smile and taking her hand. She pointed ahead, speaking to me as we flew together over the trees. She pointed to a small grassy open area near my apartment that I had not noticed before. Nodding my head "yes" we appeared there together, laughing at each other, as we picked ourselves up off the ground. So much for a gentle landing! I did not understand much of what she had said while we were flying, but it did not matter. She smiled, I smiled back. That was better than what any words could ever say. I held up seven fingers and pointed to myself, so did she. We giggled and laughed as we somersaulted in the grass. We were seven. Cool. We played hide and go seek in the trees. We ran to the playground and climbed the jungle gym. I did not remember when I had had so much fun! Hanging upside down from the monkey bars, I realized I soon had to go. I turned to tell her so, but in an instant she was gone and I was in my bed. Ahh, it had still been a lovely dream! What kind of name was Pia, I wondered, half asleep. PIA?! That's what wind had whispered in my ear. Was that a real friend or just a dream friend!? Was she a visitor to my dream, or just a dream? I wanted to ask Granny. Crap, Granny told me to stay away. I became fully awake. Oh please, I thought please let this be a dream come true. I knew about my dreams- good or bad some came true, just not always in the way I wanted. I knew this was going to come true, somehow! Please. It had to. I flew downstairs singing her name to my father. I told him that I was to meet a girl in my dream named Pia and she was to be my friend. He was used to my early-morning dream ranting. He said it was just a dream, shook his head and told me to finish my GrapeNuts. (eww) Even my least favorite breakfast somehow tasted good that morning. I had met the girl Crow told me about; well I had met her in my dreams, anyway, maybe. Now, it was just a matter of time, maybe. I wanted to thank Crow, but I realized that I had not opened the window for him that morning. I forgot. Had he been there? I could not remember. Even without my escort overhead, I went off to school in high spirits, looking everywhere with hopes to meet my friend. She was not at my school. She was nowhere to be found. It had been just a dream. I was so disappointed.
Scraped Knees
I walked home, missing my feathered companion and feeling quite angry at myself for breaking my promise to him. As I approached the apartment complex, I heard a loud caaaw-caaawing overhead. I looked up happily expecting Crow. It was! Crow was there above me, sitting on an electrical wire. I waved, but he flew away. Looking in the direction of Crow's flight, I noticed a small, grassy glen that I had not noticed before. There I saw a small girl kneeling down in the grass under a tree, holding her knee. At that distance, she looked a bit like the girl from my dream. Could it be? I could not seem to think of one single thing to say to her, I just knew that I did not want her to disappear like she did in my dream. Normally, I did not have many visitors from my dreams show up in the "real" world. The one I saw the most while I slept was my Great Grandmother, sometimes other people, but they usually did not speak to me. Not like Granny, we had full on conversations whether I liked it or not. Besides she was my Granny and she could not disappear from me, I always knew how to find her because she said I did the visiting. I did not know how I did that, but Granny said I did - and Granny did not lie. And now right in front of me here was someone who looked like the girl I had played with just the night before in the same exact place. I wanted to ask her if she remembered playing with me, but then I recalled what Granny had told me about not telling anyone about our secret. Plus with the added- "NEVAH, tell anyone, Child. Nevah, Evah tell. Some may think it's the devil's work, perhaps it 'tis". I hoped in my heart of hearts that this was Pia, but I did not want to scare her. What if I asked her about dream walking and she thought I was a devil. I shivered at the thought. May be it was not her, after all.
Ok, no dreamwaling questions , Eunisha. Do not scare her away. As curiosity got the best of me, I walked a little closer. I called to her asking if she needed help. She turned her face to answer me with a quick "Just a scrape, I'm ok", and I almost had the breath knocked out of me as I realized was her. Pale skin – check! Lots of hair, black as coal- check! Big, sparkly smile- check! Yup, that was her, alright. Yahhhoooo whoooppppeee! I was still scared she would disappear, then I noticed her bloody knee. Her really mangled looking, bloody knee. Whoa, she was not going anywhere without help.
"Um, you sure you're ok?"
"Yeah, it is just a scrape, fell off my bike"
"You were riding in the grass?!"
"No"
"Where is your bike?"
"Look up"
"Holy Crap! Sorry, I am not supposed to use that word. How did it get up there?"
"Some kid told me he was going to steal it. So I was tryin got hide it"
"In a tree?" I thought that that was really cool.
"Yup"
"Wow"
"Yeah, I thought it was a good idea 'til I fell"
"You gotta "tuck and roll". Harder to break yourself that way"
"Cool, can you teach me?"
"Yup, let me get your bike down first. You can sit on it and I will pull you home"
"Okay, I live close by. Then you can teach me that tuck and roll thing"
"Ok, first tell me how to get your bike out of the tree"
She had said she was fine, but she had an ugly cut and blood all over her leg. I thought the bike in the tree was sheer genius. I almost wanted to leave it there, but I would not be able to get her home without it. I also felt she needed to clean her knee quickly before she got an infection. I was forever being lectured on how to get cuts and scrapes cleaned- "Promptly, Eunisha, you do not want an infection, do you?" No idea what they were, but if they were worse than alcohol, I wanted no part of 'em! I finally just pulled her bike down, letting gravity take its course springing out of the way as it fell to the ground. I held her bike steady as she got on, and leaned back on the banana seat and propped her fee on the handle bars. Somehow we managed to make it around the corner to her apartment. As we neared the back sliding glass doors of her home, a woman ran out of them, shrieking…
"Pia! Now, what have you gone and done?!?"
I will never forget her reply.
"I've gone and met a friend, mama."
So had I.
Lessons Learned
It is ironic. I do not remember much after that first day, just snippets. One thing that stuck with me was Pia's stoic attitude towards alcohol and her scraped knee. She was amazing. She even managed to smile at me a time or two as I watched her mother pull out bits of rocks and grass and she doused the gash with alcohol. I remember waiting until her mother was finished so she could walk me home and explain to my father why I had been late coming home from school. I remember the look on his face when she mentioned her daughter's name. (priceless) When Pia's knee healed, we played ball, we jumped rope, we rode bikes, and we climbed plenty trees. I showed her how to "tuck and roll" and she showed me how to eat rice with chopsticks. We drank tea out of tiny cups, made by her grandmother, while listening to her grandfather's tales of old. Unfortunately, our friendship did not last long. I never did get a chance to introduce her to Crow, nor did we sing to the stars or find all of Wind's pictures in the clouds.
Soon after we met my father began dating a woman who had a daughter my age and our parents wanted us to be friends. At first I was fascinated at the prospect of having a play "step-sister", who loved dresses and dolls and showed me how to play tea time and dress-up. Her mommy had skin like my dad's and her dad had skin like my mommy's. I thought that was really really cool. We were both mixed. WOW. That was the only thing we had in common. I do not remember playing with Pia very much after that. Zoe did not care for our games and would complain to her mother that we did not know how to play dolls properly, or have proper tea parties (um, Pia's grandma made us real tea everyday) She said all we wanted to do was run and jump rope and play ball and do cartwheels- (um, who didn't?) The fascination did not last long. All I remembered, too late, was that Pia accepted me for me. Eventually it was Zoe's constant whining that woke me up, along with the thought of wearing dresses everyday. "How do you do a cartwheel in a dress?", I asked her mother. "You do not!" was her reply. I did not think she was a fair exchange for Pia, but our parents believed otherwise and perhaps, for a brief moment in time, so did I. That brief moment cost me dearly. It was the first of many lessons.
In one instant, I had forgotten that friendship is a uniquely special gift. Pia and I were friends because we wanted to be not just because we had been thrown together by a dream or, as in Zoë's case, circumstance and a common heritage. Just because I had seen, Pia or her image in a dream does not mean I had to heed Crow's call the next day. - I could have ignored it. I could have ignored my dream. I could have ignored a lot of things- like a small girl kneeling down, hurt in the grass. I could have walked past her without stopping and turned another corner to follow a different path. But I didn't. We found one another, because we paid attention. She was in my life at the precise moment I needed her to be and I was placed in hers at the precise moment she needed me. I remembered, too late, that Pia's friendship was a gift from my elders. I had been given the rare opportunity not only to choose a friend, but to help her in the process, as she helped me. Funny thing, I do not even remember saying goodbye. I guess what they say about people being in your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime is somehow true on various levels.
I do not know what happened to Pia or Zoë, I never saw either girl again. The lessons I learned from them, however have stayed with me a lifetime:
Trust the dreams, not the outcome- the outcome is up to you.
Always honor a promise to a friend (especially a Big Black Crow)
Moments spent with loved ones should be cherished, for one never knows how long those moments will last.
True friendship is mutual
Pay attention to the signs- they are everywhere
And last, but not least-
Tuck and roll, baby. There are things out there that sting worse than alcohol on a scraped knee.
So, you see, dear one, you are not my first dreamwalker. It is more than likely, you will not be my last. Sweet Dreams, I will meet you there.
Eunisha
Jul 30, 2007
Dreamwalker. By the way, I just woke up.
Current mood:
"Nisha," you called softly, "the time is almost here. We have much work to do. Wake up."
"Hunh? Whaaa…the….?"
Ohh, it is you.
Again.
You look different, you feel the same.
I have dreamed of you, from time to time, over the span of so many years, I cannot seem to remember them all. Recently, you have visited me with more frequency. In Yahualica, in Nassau, once in Santo Domingo, once or twice in St Louis, and now, this last time, in San Jose. I do not recall how many times in total. Nor what the exact details were, until San Jose. What I do remember from our other dreams is that we traveled the universe together and at the end of each dream you woke me with brotherly (and sometimes sisterly) kisses on my eyelids while whispering "rise and shine" in my ear.
You were alone, not traveling with your usual entourage of family and friends, not showing me your world, not gently asking me to rise and shine, as was your usual way. No, you were actually talking to me, telling me that it was time to WAKE UP! I normally enjoyed our peaceful dream visits, but something was different this time. Urgency, yes, that's it, in a word. There was a sense of urgency. And you would not go away.
After recent years of little to no sleep, erratic dreaming, and an inability to control the outcome of the rare times when I actually did dream I believed this to be some of the same weirdness. Not looking forward to yet another experience that left me with more questions than answers, I tried to turn away.
You were persistent.
"Hey you, Wake up!" you prodded into my mind.
"HEY yourself!"
"Please wake up, you have been asleep too long."
"I am still trying to sleep. Thank you, now Go 'way."
"Wake up, love, or you will be really lost. Look to the light."
"Lost? You are in my dream remember, buddy?
"Look at me, Eunisha. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Shake off the sorrow; it is slowing you, bringing you down. Take my hand. Wake up, the sun shines"
"Sunshine?! Oh gawd, am I late, what time is it?"
"Es Tiempo. It is time far a gathering. Time to be together; time to heal, time to love, time to be One."
"One is good --- One Voice One Love, One Earth One People, One spirit. Oneness is good, now - I want to be left alone with my oneness. Please leave me be. I liked you better before, when you were quiet."
"You still do, now wake up."
"I want to be left alone, please leave me alone"
"No you don't, you want to be whole. Now wake up:"
"W*&T%^F@! I'm too tired."
"Wake up, your spirit has not been able to rest; your energy is so low I almost did not find you. Eunisha you need to recharge."
"Then let me. Sleep is good"
"But you are not connecting. Your spirit has been wandering… Wake up from this slumber of the lost from this slumber of the dead! It is time to come back."
(I am thinking- been dead, been lost, probably will be both again at some point soon. I cannot believe I am yelling at the traveling guy- I have got to get out of this dream, who does this guy think he is? I am tired. Yeah.)
"Dead you have been, dead you are no longer. You have been gone too long, rise up. We have much to do, so many to find. Will you help?"
(Did he just say I had been dead? He was not supposed to hear that, not my private thoughts, this is my bloody dream!)
"Asleep too long! I just closed my eyes. Why are you being so formal? Go play in a waterfall or something. Must I listen to this?"
"Yes!"
"Sh*t!"
"Will you help ?"
"Yada yada, blah blah blah. Are you still talking? Who Are You to wake me?!"
"You"
"Ha! Very cute, then who am I?"
"Me"
"What do you mean, you?"
"I said 'Me'"
"That, you did. (what a smart a**, it's like talking to myself, jeesh)
"Open your eyes"
"I can see you, just fine like this"
"Yes, but you must wake up."
"Will you know me? You know, 'out there' "
"You will know me, just wake up!" You kissed each of my closed eyes, and whispered in my ear one last time, "NIII-SSHHHHAA-AAHHH, It is time. We are waiting. Now, take my hand, and open your eyes."
I have no idea why, but I did both
Ah, Instantaneous Utter bliss. I was Calm. Refreshed. At peace. One with everything. Connected. And then I was completely freaked out.
I half expected to see you hovering above me, holding my hand when I opened my eyes.
You were not.
Well, that was one way to get you out of my dream.
You were, however, still holding my attention, far longer than I liked, and
as if that were not enough ...
...a few minutes later, you showed up in my inbox.
What next?!
Give me a minute to catch up.
Patience.
Please.
I just woke up.
5:04 AM
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